Discovering that your child is transgender can be an emotional and transformative moment. As a parent, you might feel a whirlwind of emotions—love, concern, confusion, and maybe even fear of the unknown. It’s completely natural to have questions and uncertainties about what comes next, and any emotion you're feeling is valid.
The first thing you should know is: you and your family are not alone on this journey. This guide aims to provide you with advice, resources, and connection to other parents and families like yours to help you move forward with curiosity and love.
If your child shares with you that they are transgender, or trans, it means they see their gender as different from the one assigned to them at birth. For example, a trans man is someone who was assigned female at birth but identifies and views themselves as male.
If your child tells you they are non-binary, it means they don’t feel strictly male or female, but somewhere in between, or outside that traditional understanding of gender.
Being transgender or non-binary isn’t a negative thing—these neutral terms are words that describe who someone is, and they help us understand and support them better. (We'll explore these terms more deeply as we go along.)
It’s natural for many parents to wonder if something they did led their child to identify as trans, but your child’s trans identity is not a reflection of your parenting. Gender identity is something deeply personal, and it’s not something you can shape or control. Just like your child discovers their unique talents, interests, and preferences, their understanding of their gender is another part of that journey of self-discovery. This is a natural and important part of who they are becoming, and it’s not something that’s “caused” by anything you did or didn’t do.
Your child’s strengths, talents, and unique qualities haven’t changed—those are still very much a part of who they are. Being trans doesn’t limit their potential or their ability to live a happy, successful, and fulfilled life. In fact, by embracing their true self, they have the opportunity to grow even more into who they’re meant to be. You might have envisioned their future in a different way, and it’s ok to take time to adjust. Your love and support can help them thrive, and just like any other child, they will pursue their dreams, build meaningful relationships, and find joy in their life.
At birth, doctors assign a person’s sex based on physical traits like chromosomes, hormones, and reproductive organs. But gender is about so much more—it’s how we personally understand and express who we are. If someone’s inner sense of their gender doesn’t match the sex they were assigned at birth, they might identify as transgender (or trans) or nonbinary.
When we talk about identity and how we express ourselves, it’s important to know the difference between sex and gender. Here's a simple breakdown:
Gender identity is how someone deeply feels about their gender—whether they see themselves as male, female, a blend of both, neither, or something else entirely. Gender identity is internal, meaning it’s all about how a person perceives themselves. There’s no one-size-fits-all experience.
Gender expression is how someone outwardly shows their gender identity. This can be through things like the clothes they wear, their hairstyle, their voice, or even the way they move and carry themselves.
Your child might still be trans or non-binary even if they’ve never expressed their gender in a way that’s different from the sex they were assigned at birth. This can happen for a number of reasons—social pressure, fear of rejection, or not wanting to disappoint you or other loved ones can make it hard for people to show who they really are. Many youth and adults feel the need to hide their true identity until they feel more confident or safe enough to come out. It’s not unusual for someone to wait until they’ve fully embraced their identity and feel secure in their surroundings before sharing that part of themselves.
Experts believe that by around age 2, children start to recognize gender, and by age 4, most have a stable sense of their gender identity. A 2022 study found that 97.5% of kids who identified as trans between the ages of 3 and 12 still identified the same way more than five years later. In other words, most trans children continue to identify as transgender or non-binary as they grow older. The idea of "desistance"—or reverting to the gender they were assigned at birth—is actually quite rare. Trusting and affirming your child’s identity is key to supporting their well-being and happiness as they grow.
Your child’s strengths, talents, and abilities are still very much the same. Their gender identity doesn’t take away from who they are or what they’re capable of—it only adds to their journey of self-discovery. Your child can absolutely have a happy, successful, and fulfilled life, just like anyone else.
Their gender identity won’t limit them from pursuing their educational or career goals. At Point of Pride, we’ve had the privilege of supporting hundreds of trans people of all ages in accessing healthcare, and many of them have gone on to build successful careers in law, medicine, education, the arts, and more.
Your child’s journey is their own, and no two experiences are exactly the same. Being transgender doesn’t mean your child will automatically want or need any specific medical treatments. Some trans people choose to transition socially, without any pursuing medical interventions. Others may explore hormonal or surgical changes with the guidance and support of healthcare providers. Transitioning looks different for everyone.
Supporting your child means respecting their choices and recognizing that their path may not follow a set narrative. It’s about listening to what they need and helping them find the right resources and support for their unique journey. By acknowledging and respecting your child’s individual experience, you’re creating a space of love and acceptance that allows them to grow and thrive as their authentic self.
Your love and acceptance as a parent can have an extraordinary impact on your child’s well-being. Many studies show that trans people who have family support and social affirmation tend to experience greater life satisfaction, higher self-esteem, and an overall improved sense of well-being.
The impact of your unconditional support goes beyond improving daily happiness. Research from The Trevor Project and others shows that affirming and accepting a child’s identity greatly reduces their risk of suicidality. Your love and acceptance of who they are is crucial. By standing by your child, you’re not only helping them thrive—you’re ensuring they feel safe, valued, and loved.
One of the most effective ways to ensure your child feels supported at school is by scheduling a meeting with the school administration—this might include the principal, guidance counselor, and teachers. During the meeting, share your child's preferred name, pronouns, and any specific accommodations they may need to feel safe and comfortable. Coming prepared with this information will help the school understand how to best support your child.
You can also tap into external resources and organizations that specialize in supporting transgender youth in schools. Groups like GLSEN, the National Center for Transgender Equality, and PFLAG provide valuable materials, training, and support for both families and school staff.
Speak with your child's current primary care physician to update them on your child’s name and pronouns, and ask about their experience working with trans patients. This conversation helps ensure your child feels seen and respected in a healthcare setting. If needed, you can also explore specialists in trans healthcare to provide more targeted support.
Assembling a healthcare team that is knowledgeable and experienced in trans healthcare is essential. These providers have the expertise to address the unique needs of trans individuals, ensuring that both you and your child feel supported and informed throughout the process.
Even if medical transition isn’t something your child is interested in or ready for right now, it’s still helpful to familiarize yourself with the available treatments—their benefits, risks, and processes—so that if the time comes, you can make thoughtful, informed decisions together with the support of your healthcare team.
Supporting a transgender child goes beyond the home or school—it’s about fostering an inclusive and supportive community as well. You might consider getting involved in or organizing local events that celebrate and support LGBTQ+ individuals. These kinds of activities help create a positive, inclusive environment where your child can thrive. We’ve often heard that attending Pride Month programming or parades can be a bonding experience for parents and children alike. Again, CenterLink’s directory is a great tool to find a Center near you and learn more about events in your area.
It’s also important to research both state and federal laws that may impact or protect your child, particularly if your child is under the age of 18. Being aware of the legal landscape helps you advocate more effectively and ensures that your child’s rights in healthcare, education, access to public accommodations, and more are upheld. Stay informed about changes in legislation, and don’t hesitate to connect with legal advocacy organizations like the Transgender Law Center and Lambda Legal for guidance and support if you feel your child’s rights are being violated. The more informed and active you are, the more empowered you’ll be to support your child in all aspects of their life.
It’s important to take time for yourself. Remember, it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions—it’s a big transition for you, too. Support for parents is just as important as support for your child. PFLAG, Gender Spectrum, and even your local ACLU chapter offer education, resources, and social support designed specifically to help parents like you. You don’t have to go through this alone.
Finding a therapist who specializes in working with families of transgender individuals can also be a huge help. Therapy offers a safe, non-judgmental space where you can process your emotions, ask questions, and develop strategies for supporting your child. When looking for a therapist, seek out someone who has experience with the LGBTQ+ community, specifically with caregivers and families of trans youth, and ask what their approach to family support looks like.
Taking care of yourself while supporting your child is essential.
Find information, education, and support:
At this stage, children are just beginning to explore their sense of self and may express their gender identity through play, clothes, or the activities they gravitate toward. Providing affirming books and engaging in inclusive activities can help your child feel supported and understood.
Books:
Films/Media:
Activities:
As children grow, they may express their gender identity more clearly. This is a crucial time to listen, affirm, and provide tools that foster self-expression. Encourage open conversations and introduce resources that offer positive representations of transgender and non-binary identities.
Books:
Films/Media:
During the teen years, gender identity can become more solidified, and your child may start exploring options like social or medical transition. This is also a time when they may face more social pressures, so it’s essential to foster open communication and create a supportive environment both at home and school.
Books:
At any age, if your child is in distress or crisis, it’s vital to have resources readily available to support them.