Finding the right therapist can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack, especially when you need someone who truly understands your experience as a trans person. You deserve a therapist who not only respects your identity but also affirms and supports you. The right therapist won’t just listen; they’ll be your partner in growth and healing.
Haley Calhoun-Davis, LCSW (she/her), a licensed therapist at Capstone Connect, PLLC in Houston, TX, has shared her insights to help guide you through this process. With years of experience serving transgender clients, Haley emphasizes the importance of having a therapist who truly affirms your identity.
Together we’ll explore what to look for in a trans-affirming therapist and how to find the right fit for you.
Why Finding a Trans-Affirming Therapist is Important
Many people have faced invalidation and harm from non-affirming therapists who don’t understand trans experiences, worsening existing struggles and creating a distrust in mental health professionals. It’s tough enough to deal with mental health challenges like gender dysphoria, discrimination, or societal pressures without adding the stress of an uninformed or dismissive therapist.
"A trans-affirming therapist isn’t just someone who is ‘okay’ with your identity," explains Haley. "They actively support and validate your experiences while working to stay informed about the unique challenges the trans community faces."
Above all, your therapist should create a welcoming and inclusive environment that fosters growth, self-discovery, and provides you with the tools to thrive in all aspects of life.
For example, a trans-affirming therapist might start sessions by asking for your pronouns and checking in about how you’d like them to advocate for you in medical or legal settings, if needed. They might also decorate their office with inclusive symbols, like a pride flag, or have visible materials that reflect their understanding of gender diversity. A supportive therapeutic relationship can reduce feelings of isolation, build resilience, and empower you to navigate a world that may not always understand your journey.
What Makes a Therapist Trans-Affirming?
Clear LGBTQ+ Affirmation
Look for therapists who openly state they’re LGBTQ+ friendly and experienced in working with trans clients. This can often be found in their online profiles or websites. Phrases like "gender-affirming care" or "LGBTQIA+ specialist" are strong indicators.
Haley explains, "Don't be discouraged if you don't see prominent LGBTQ+ decor or other imagery in the waiting area or office. Some therapists prefer to have neutral decor. Most of the time, the signs of a trans-affirming therapist will be more subtle such as LGBTQ+ books on their bookshelf or a rainbow pen in their cup holder. Some non-verbal signals of a comfortable and competent therapist could include relaxed body language, welcoming facial expressions, and comfortable eye contact."
Respect for Pronouns and Identity
Your therapist should consistently use your correct name and pronouns, and understand why that’s so important.
Knowledge of Trans Issues
An affirming therapist understands common challenges faced by trans individuals, such as navigating gender dysphoria, dealing with discrimination, or accessing gender-affirming healthcare. Look for someone who lists LGBT, gender dysphoria, or transgender care as specialties.
Commitment to Ongoing Education
The field of gender-affirming care is constantly evolving. A good therapist stays updated on best practices for supporting trans clients by attending relevant training or obtaining certifications. Certifications like WPATH (World Professional Association for Transgender Health) or attending trans-focused training are great signs.
A Holistic Approach
Affirming therapists often take a holistic view of care, considering how other aspects of your identity—such as race, ethnicity, disability, socioeconomic status, or lived experiences—intersect with your gender journey.
"A good trans-affirming therapist will exude comfort and ease in your presence," says Haley. "They will recognize that your trans identity is just one facet of your whole person." This approach underscores the importance of finding someone who treats you with dignity and focuses on your needs as a whole."
Questions to Ask a Potential Therapist
It’s okay to interview a therapist before committing! Here are a few questions to get started:
- "Have you worked with transgender clients before?"
- "What is your experience with gender dysphoria and trans issues?"
- "How do you stay updated on trans-related mental health care?"
- "How do you support transgender clients in their transition process?"
Haley suggests, "Don’t be afraid to ask direct questions. A good therapist will welcome these questions and answer with empathy and honesty."
Many therapists offer free consultation calls. Use this time to gauge their expertise and approach. Notice how they respond to your questions. Do they seem engaged? Respectful? Comfortable? If something feels off, trust your instincts and keep looking. It’s perfectly okay to "shop around" until you find the right fit.
Ways to Find a Trans-Affirming Therapist
Finding the right therapist may take time, but these resources can help:
- Online Directories:
- LGBTQ+ Centers: Many community centers can refer you to local trans-affirming providers. A good start would be to check out Centerlink to find a center near you.
- Social Media Groups: LGBTQ+ groups often share recommendations for trusted therapists.
- Telehealth Options: If resources in your area are scarce, consider online therapy services. One of Point of Pride’s HRT Access Fund partners, FOLX, provides telehealth talk therapy to its members.
Red Flags to Watch For
Not every therapist is trans-affirming. Here are some warning signs:
- Misgendering or refusal to use your correct pronouns.
- A lack of knowledge about trans issues or reluctance to learn.
- Dismissing your lived experiences as a trans person.
- Pathologizing or treating your gender identity like something to "fix."
- Asking invasive or unnecessary questions about your transition, such as focusing excessively or asking questions about your body that are not relevant.
If you encounter any of these red flags, remember: it’s not your fault, and you deserve better. Trust your gut and keep searching until you find a supportive, affirming therapist who meets your needs.
Finding a trans-affirming therapist can be life-changing. They’re there to support your journey, validate your experiences, and give you the tools to navigate life confidently. Take your time, trust your instincts, and don’t settle for less than you deserve.
"Therapy is a partnership," Haley emphasizes. "You deserve a therapist who sees you and helps you thrive in every way."
Contributor Thanks: Haley Calhoun-Davis
"I’m Haley Calhoun-Davis, a licensed therapist at Capstone Connect, PLLC. My goal is to create a safe, non-judgmental space where you feel supported and empowered throughout your journey. I specialize in working with LGBTQ+ clients and am passionate about providing trans-affirming care that’s rooted in understanding and empathy."
Written by Point of Pride
Point of Pride provides financial aid and direct support to trans folks in need of health and wellness care.
