Let’s say it together: “Gender-diverse people can get pregnant and have happy, healthy babies.” Being pregnant, or having the ability to become pregnant doesn’t define your gender. Only you can do that. Now, let’s talk about what happens after birth.
The postpartum period is a time of physical recovery and emotional adjustment. Postnatal care has one main topic: you. Now more than ever, it's so important that youou must prioritize yourself, your body, your mental health, and your relationship with your newborn.
For trans and non-binary parents, postpartum recovery is more than a physical and emotional process. It’s also about navigating systems that may not fully understand or affirm your identity, finding the right language to describe your experience, and supporting yourself in your new role as a parent.
To guide this discussion, we’ve collaborated with Max (they/them), a non-binary doula based in Houston, Texas, with years of experience supporting and affirming gender-diverse pregnancies. Max shares their insights and practical advice throughout this piece to help you navigate the postpartum period with confidence and care.
Navigating Healthcare Systems
Navigating healthcare systems can be overwhelming, especially when providers aren’t trained in gender-affirming care. Gender affirming care is not taught in the classroom, and medical professionals need to independantly seek out continuing education to gain this knowledge. Misgendering, assumptions about your identity, and a lack of awareness around trans-specific needs can add unnecessary stress to an already challenging time.
Here are some ways to advocate for yourself:
- Communicate Your Needs: Share your pronouns and the language that feels right for you. For example, let your providers , and your child’s providers, know if you prefer terms like “chestfeeding” or “parent,” and share your needs confidently.
- Bring an Advocate: Having a trusted friend, partner, or doula who can support and advocate for you during appointments pre and post natal can help ensure your voice is heard and your needs are met.
- Find Affirming Providers: Seek out OB-GYNs, midwives, doulas, lactation consultants, and even pediatricians with experience in trans care. Use resources like the LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory, OutCare, and CenterLink’s LGBT Center Directory to find affirming professionals in your area. Max shares: "Ultimately, you’re hiring a doctor to take care of your health. If they’re not meeting your needs, it’s okay to seek a different provider. Many hospital systems have patient advocates who can help if you feel unsupported or misgendered."
- Prepare for Appointments: If you don’t know the questions to ask, check out TransHub’s guide, 10 Questions to Ask Your Doctor. Having these questions ready can help you feel more in control and ensure you get the care you deserve. To feel empowered during visits, Max suggests: "Decide your priorities ahead of the visit. Do you have the energy to educate a provider today, or do you just need to get through the appointment? Both approaches are valid. Do what feels right for you."
Communicating Your Parenting Language
Becoming a parent doesn’t mean you stop being you. It’s an opportunity to expand your identity and define what parenthood looks like for you.
- Introduce Yourself Early: Let friends, family, and providers know your chosen parenting term. For example, “I’m excited to start this new chapter as Ama!”
- Involve Your Community: Encourage family, friends, and even your healthcare providers to use affirming language. You might say, “It means a lot to me when you use [term]. Thank you for supporting me.”
- Set Expectations: Gently correct others if they use the wrong language, and don’t hesitate to reiterate your preferences. A simple, “Actually, I prefer [term],” can go a long way.
- Model for Your Child: As your baby grows, they’ll learn to use your chosen term. Be consistent, and they’ll follow your lead.
Navigating Postpartum Body Changes and Dysphoria
The postpartum period changes your body significantly. For gender-diverse parents, these changes can sometimes trigger feelings of dysphoria. It’s important to approach this time with self-compassion and strategies that affirm your identity.
- Clothing Choices: Wear comfortable clothes that align with your gender expression. Loose, oversized garments or layering can help reduce focus on areas that might feel triggering.
- Reframe the Experience: Your body just did something incredible! Focus on its strength and resilience rather than the changes you’re navigating.
- Take It One Day at a Time: Many postpartum changes, like lactation and uterine involution, are temporary. Healing takes time, and it’s okay to move at your own pace.
- Find Affirming Support: Whether it’s a trans-competent therapist, a doula, or an online community, connect with people who see and understand you. Sharing your feelings can lighten the emotional burden.
- Prioritize Hydration and Nutrition: "Drink water. Then drink more water. Hydration supports healing and helps your body recover. Aim for at least 3 liters daily—and even more if you’re producing milk," Max recommends.
It’s okay to have complex feelings about your body. You are not alone, and there’s a community ready to support you.
"Be kind to your body—it just did something incredible. Postpartum recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. Give yourself permission to rest and heal."
Chestfeeding and Deciding What’s Right for You
Feeding your baby is a deeply personal decision, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach.
If You Choose to Chestfeed
- Connect with lactation consultants experienced in LGBTQ+ care. They can help you navigate this process while affirming your identity.
- Consider using terms like “chestfeeding” or others that resonate with you to reframe the experience in a way that feels affirming.
Here’s what Max has to say about if you choose to chestfeed: “Drink 3.8L of water daily, and increase your calorie intake by 500 calories daily. To help with these goals: keep snacks and water bottles near wherever you feed and change the baby. Every time you meet one of their needs, meet one of yours as well. This is a good habit to get into for the next 18 years. If you need help, book an appointment with a Lactation Consultant for more stupport.”
You Choose Not to Chestfeed
- For those who decide not to chestfeed, Max advises: "If you'd prefer not to produce milk, there are safe ways to reduce lactation. Cold cabbage leaves or gel packs can ease discomfort, and medications like pseudoephedrine might help slow milk production. Binding is not safe postpartum, but a snug sports bra can provide gentle compression."
- Speak with your doctor about options to reduce milk production.
Max’s take on chestfeeding centers on individual choice: "Breastfeeding or chestfeeding is not, I repeat, NOT a rule. You can bottle feed or use formula. What matters most is finding what works best for you and keeps your baby healthy."
Other Considerations
- If you have not had top surgery, you may be able to lactate fully.
- If you have had some form of top surgery, your ability to produce milk might be limited, but some parents can still chest feed or express milk. For those who have had a bilateral mastectomy, chestfeeding may not be possible, and it’s okay to choose other feeding methods that work best for you and your baby. Talk to a trusted healthcare provider to understand your options.
Red flags to watch for, according to Max: "Be mindful of symptoms like hard lumps, redness, or flu-like symptoms, which could indicate mastitis. If you notice these signs, contact your doctor right away—early treatment can prevent further complications."
Community-Based Support for Trans Parents
You don’t have to navigate parenthood alone. There are community resources, organizations, and media dedicated to supporting trans and non-binary parents.
Online Communities:
- Queer Conception: A Facebook group offering support for queer and trans parents at every stage of their journey.
- Seahorse_Dads on reddit: A safe space for trans and non-binary masc individuals to share experiences and advice on pregnancy, delivery, postpartum, and more.
- Postpartum Support International: Support groups, mentorship, and more for all families, including specialized support for trans and queer ones.
Organizations:
Books and Media:
Max offers these affirmations for navigating the ups and downs of parenting: "Every parent has moments of feeling overwhelmed or having moments of doubt, thinking, 'I can’t do this.' Trust me, you can. Take breaks when you need them, even if it’s just five minutes with noise-canceling headphones or scrolling your phone. You’ve got this."
Your Postpartum Mental Health
"It’s normal to feel everything at once—joy, exhaustion, anxiety, and excitement. You don’t have to be perfect; what matters is being kind to yourself," Max reminds.
"If you’re feeling out of control or scared, reach out to a mental health professional who specializes in postpartum care."
- Inclusive Therapists: A directory to find mental health professionals with a focus on LGBTQ+ affirming care.
- LGBT National Help Center: Provides a confidential hotline and resources tailored to LGBTQ+ individuals.
- Trans Lifeline: A peer-support hotline run by and for trans individuals, offering emotional and financial support. (You do not need to be in crisis to reach out.)
Embracing Your Journey
Your journey to parenthood is as unique and remarkable as you are. It’s okay to feel a mix of joy, fear, pride, and exhaustion—they’re all part of the process. What matters most is showing up authentically for yourself and your child.
Take the time to explore what parenthood means to you. Whether it’s choosing a term like “Dad,” “Mapa,” or something else, or finding small ways to affirm your identity, this is your journey to define.
Remember: Your gender identity is valid, and giving birth doesn’t change who you are. You bring something extraordinary to the role of a parent by showing up authentically, every day.
About Max:
Hi! I’m Max (they/them), a transmasc, nonbinary, LGBTQ2S+ affirming doula passionate about empowering all pregnant and birthing people. With a background in bodywork and physical therapy, I bring a unique perspective to the pregnancy and labor experience by combining a deep understanding of physiology with the compassion and adaptability needed to support families in their personal choices.
I am also a proud parent to my twelve-year-old, whom I had the incredible experience of birthing at home. Navigating the ever-evolving landscape of gender politics, legal challenges, health, and self-care in Texas since 2020 has only strengthened my commitment to supporting trans adults and teens as they do the same. Through peer support and community-building, I aim to help others feel seen, affirmed, and empowered.
While peer support is not a licensed medical practice, it is a vital resource for navigating a world where access to affirming healthcare is increasingly under threat. I am honored to contribute my experience and skills to assist others in thriving as their authentic selves.